


Sitcomlock

by 221blueberries



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sitcom, Crack, M/M, Military Kink Sherlock, Sex Jokes, Studio Audiences, always exasperated John, friendly neighbor Jim, sitcomlock, wacky hijinks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4377683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221blueberries/pseuds/221blueberries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming this fall: Follow the wacky adventures of an exasperated army doctor and his detective flatmate/husband as they solve outrageous crimes and try to stay one step ahead of the mysterious Moriarty (who is definitely not their overly friendly neighbor Jim).  Watch as they solve murders (at the gay club), find clues (like footprints that lead to the gay club), and  wear silly disguises (both to and from the gay club), that is if they can stop arguing over who should buy the milk!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sitcomlock

**Author's Note:**

> Goodness I've been sitting on this for a while now...This is just a snippet, but I would like to expand it into full-fledged "episodes". I've formatted it like a screenplay, so hopefully it's not too confusing. This is my first official fanfic so please let me know what you think!

FADE IN:

221B BAKER STREET - MRS. HUDSON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

MRS. HUDSON sits on the bed, her back against the headboard and her nose in a book.  The cover features a lean, pale man with dark, untamed curls, kneeling beside a stocky blonde bloke with suntanned, washboard abs.  The pale young man, dressed in skinny jeans and an unbuttoned dress shirt, is clinging desperately to the bulging thigh of his companion: clearly a soldier from his tiny camo briefs, dog tags, and an army beret. The title: All the Nice Boys Like a Soldier.

__

*Studio Audience Laughs

MRS. HUDSON

(muttering eagerly)

Yes…yes…YES!

(gasps)

NOOO! No, you big clot! Don’t you dare let him get on that plane!  He wants to say that he loves you!  That’s what he always meant to say, but never could!  Why on Earth would he care what you name your gerbil?

__

*Audience Laughs

Suddenly, a loud thump is heard from above. MRS. HUDSON looks up, startled. Another loud thump is heard, followed by a moan.  Muffled voices can be heard.

SHERLOCK

(muffled voice)

Oh God…Oh God…

JOHN

(muffled voice)

That’s it, Sherlock…that’s it.

*Audience Oooohs and giggles

DISSOLVE TO:

THE ENTRANCE TO JOHN & SHERLOCK’S FLAT

The door is closed, but that does little to stifle the noise.  More thumps are heard.

JOHN

(behind the door)

Just like that Love…keep going.

The whimpering and keening grows louder. MRS. HUDSON suddenly appears at the door. 

*Audience laughs

MRS. HUDSON reaches into the bodice of her nightie and pulls out a small, digital camera.  The time has come at last.  She will finally have that which she most desires

SHERLOCK

(behind the door)

Oooooooh…John…

JOHN

(behind the door)

Come on, one more.  I know you can take one more.

*Audience whoops and hollers

SHERLOCK

(behind the door)

It hurts.

JOHN

I know, Baby. I know.

*Audience is near rabid

SHERLOCK

(behind the door)

I can’t do it…I…I…

JOHN

(behind the door)

Yes, you can. Just take a deep breath…and….

A deep, guttural cry erupts from the flat.

*Four audience members faint

With a triumphant squeal, MRS. HUDSON bursts through the door, her camera up and ready.  What she finds behind the door stops her cold.

DISSOLVE TO:

INSIDE JOHN & SHERLOCK’S FLAT

JOHN is at SHERLOCK'S feet, holding them down while SHERLOCK (knees bent; face flushed; mouth agape; chins quadrupled) is in the middle performing…a sit-up.

SHERLOCK

(completes the sit-up)

Ten!

(falls back down to the floor with a thump)

JOHN

A new record.

*Audience laughs.  Except for the ones who fainted.  They’re still unconscious.

SHERLOCK

Hello Mrs. Hudson.

MRS. HUDSON

I just…I thought…

(hides camera behind back)

Are you boys okay?  I heard some…pounding.

*Audience laughs

SHERLOCK

Oh us? We’re fine.  Just working on my core.

MRS. HUDSON

Working out?

SHERLOCK

Yes.

MRS. HUDSON

At night?

SHERLOCK

Yep. 

MRS. HUDSON

In a suit?

SHERLOCK

In my workout suit.

(lifts his wrists and reveals the fluffy, yellow and black striped sweatbands that have replaced his shirt’s cuffs)

*Audience laughs

MRS. HUDSON

They make workout suits?

SHERLOCK

This is the only one in the world.  I invented it.

MRS. HUDSON

Oh, that’s lovely. Well…I think I’ll leave you boys to your…exercises. 

(starts to leave)

SHERLOCK

Oh, and Mrs. Hudson?

MRS. HUDSON

Yes?

SHERLOCK

Were you tidying up my things again?  A book of mine seems to have been misplaced.

MRS. HUDSON

I’m your landlady, dear, not your…bookkeeper

(exits)

*Audience laughs

JOHN

(stands up and peers down at SHERLOCK)

You still have a long way to go before you complete basic training, private. But don’t worry, we’ll make a soldier out of you yet.  I want you out of those clothes and bent over that table in ready position on the double! Tonight, we’re going to work on your endurance.  Is that understood?

SHERLOCK

Yes, sir!

*Audience goes wild as we fade into the opening theme song


End file.
